I’m 24 and I’m still trying to find myself

campus
Allow yourself to search for yourself

Have you ever lost yourself? Is it possible to lose yourself? I always find it a little strange when people talk about “finding yourself”, it’s a bit of an odd statement, but I’m finally willing to admit that I lost the plot a while ago. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing, and where I’m going, all I know is I have to keep moving, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I can’t afford to stop, not now when I have tasted a bit of financial freedom. I also can’t afford to stop because there’s a danger in stopping, you might not be able to start moving again. Once you stop, you lose momentum, it’s hard to get it back. And yet I know I need to recalibrate.

It was so much easier to dream and to work towards something when that’s all you had to think about…when earning a living wasn’t something you have to think about. In growing up, I got lost…my dreams scattered to the wind. It’s easy to say to someone, “How can you not know what you want?” but that shit happens. Sometimes you get so lost in your choices, in taking the options that you see available to you, you lose sight of what the heart wants. I am one of those people, I lost sight, and now I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going. Hopefully, I will, and maybe I can re-ignite the fire that once drove me.

Choosing to be fiercely honest

I suspect it takes patience with yourself and being willing to forgive your own confusion if confusion is a crime. This is the shortest blog post I have ever written and surely goes against best practices for blogging, but I’m tired of trying to do things perfectly. I’m tired of not embracing publicly acknowledged experimentation. Yes, I’ll declare that I’m experimenting, and I don’t care who sees the failed experiments anymore. I’ve been running my life like a series of experiments since I graduated, I might as well finally admit it. I’m not trying to pretend like I know everything anymore, or that I have it together, I don’t owe anyone that illusion. And if you’re in the same boat as I am, neither do you.

Part of finding yourself involves being your own best friend, here’s why it matters: Learning to be best friends with yourself and why it matters.

I’m Yvonne, I’m 24 and I’m still trying to figure things out, still finding myself. I refuse to be embarrassed about it, I refuse to pretend otherwise…the important thing for me is that I keep moving.

By Yvonne Feresu

Hi, I'm on a mission to be the best darn blogger south of the Sahara...and yes I know "best" is relative but you get my drift. So far I've won a national award for this blog, and earn my living professional as a writer, that's pretty cool, isn't it?

9 comments

  1. Hie Yvonne
    I personally love how honest you were in this article.
    And yes, what you say is true.
    The more we agree we do not know what we are doing, that life is a mystery because it presents itself with a new day that noone has lived before, the less mental health challenges we have!

    1. Thank you Norly! I think it’s easier to deal with things and find solutions if you actually acknowledge what’s amiss. Too often we want to defend our own egos, and not face the truth. But for me, admitting it means I’m free to mess up now

    1. Hi Chenge, I’m really glad that my experiences could help you in any way possible! It makes writing and sharing worthwhile

  2. Well, life has it’s pressures. Circumstances are really different and when you find yourself in a situation where your background is not organized you will end up jumping for any opportunity that comes just to get a quick way out. The always sad result is lack of happiness, fulfillment and growth and these are essentials for everyone. So i think you are right about having patience with oneself. In the event that the circumstances around do not allow for much choice, whatever we get into, it should just be there at the back of one’s mind that it’s just a transition.

    1. Yeah, sadly a lot of people are forced to respond by circumstances, and to make those choices quickly without adequate information….but I think as long as you re-calibrate when you’re in a more flexible position then eventually you’ll find your true North

  3. Am also 24 this year and very far from what i thought i wanted to be. It seems like it was a dream and that am awake now and i can’t do it because am awake and its impossible

  4. Hi Yvonne,

    I arrived here while googling an image on “finding myself”. Coincidentally, I wrote a blog about “finding myself” too. Here it is https://one-eduworld.com/finding-yourself/. I am 30 year old now and was just reflecting about the many years that had past since I was 22 year old. Hope the missing pieces are starting to unravel for you.

    1. Hi Sue, I checked out your blog, it lovely how you were able to look back 8years later and reflect on the thoughts that drove your younger self. Two years later from the time I wrote that, yes, more things are starting to make sense. It’s still pretty murky but I’m patient.

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